The Patriots were guilty of it. The Phillies just got accused of it. But if it is so easy to do, then why to people have trouble seeing and interpreting signs? It has been documents that a tremendous amount of communication is non-verbal. We give off vibes (baller waves) to prospective mates during the attraction tango in order to entice, enthrall, and engage. This leads me into one of the most prolific ongoing discussion of my dating life: Why do people think the signals they are sending actually get interpreted at all, and furthermore, why don’t we pick up on the signals we are being given?
Typically, it has been my experience that many women are tremendously frustrated as a result of men missing, what they consider to be obvious signals. Newsflash ladies: none of your ‘obvious’ signals are obvious. The world of men is a world of blunt, concise, and clear communication. Here are some examples to put this statement into perspective:
When a person in you party is ill smelling, “Dude, you smell like ass”.
When a guy acts like a D-Bag, “Dude, you’re acting like a D-Bag”
When a guy is into a girl, “I want to be on you”
The problem is two fold and must be addressed in two separate ways. The first problem is a problem of Transmission. Place yourself into the following situation: Saturday night at a popular speak-easy. A top-forty blaring, alcho-pop sipping, strobe light flashing kind of atmosphere. Men and Women hear me, subtlety is not your friend in this environment. Ladies, the hair brush back, semi smile, momentary eye contact strategy doesn’t work when the your target is on the other side of the room, with 4 Bud light girls, 3 flat screens, two guys doing Jagger bombs, and a partridge in a pear tree all in the way. Hear this novel concept. Go approach a guy. You don’t have to go up to him when he is with all of his buddies. Wait until he goes to the bar by himself or wait until he goes to the jukebox, out for a smoke, whatever. Just say, “Hey, my name is Halle/Scar-Jo/ Naomi (That’s ‘I moan’ backwards) and watch how easily you open a conversation.
Girls, I always say this so listen and listen good. It is far more difficult than you think to walk up to a group of women and generate some sort of rapport out of thin air. How many times since you turned 12 have men ogled, cat called, hit on, and pick up lined you before? You are trained to dismiss 98% of all gentleman callers. Men have to fight off nerves, their boys peer pressure, the other dudes trying to talk to you and then find something memorable/ amusing enough to get you to stay in a convo for longer than the ‘What’s your name/ What do you do?’ conversation. It’s a rough life.
The second problem is a problem of reception. Men, we have all been told what interested women act like, right? So act like it, damn it! And for those of you that haven’t, let me help you. A book I read once referred to the signals women give as “Indicators of Interest” (IOI). IOI’s come in many forms and women are crafty so you need to actively looking for them while out. Firstly, keep your head on a swivel, and stop watching the game/beer girl/ strobe light and watch the women around you. The first IOI is always eye contact. Look for the quick glance, look away, sustained eye contact combo. If you get that, for heaven’s sake, go talk to the woman. Second is the eye-contact smile combination. If you get that, go talk to the woman, dumb ass. Thirdly is the ‘Hey my friend over there thinks you are cute but she is shy’ IOI. Hmm…buy that girl a drink and get over there, Don Jaun.
Don’t get me wrong, these signals are not always as blatant as Tara Reid’s boob job but they are there and remember, most women just want some guy to come up to talk with them. It’s just as awkward for them standing half undressed, alone at the bar, as it is for you shot-gunning PBR in the corner with your frosted tips and extra-medium Tee.
Let’s all try to help each other out and maybe we can re open the lines of communication.
Scars are evidence of living // Basquiat in New York by Sylvia... - Scars are evidence of living // Basquiat in New York by Sylvia Plachy, 1986.
4 days ago